On this day, June 30th, a mere 28 years ago I was born.

Every 30th of June since has been a complete let down....none more than this one lol

THE TOY BOX- Ode to a place that will never be found

There is a place where things exist.

They are placeholders, emotional placeholders.

We exist to get other folks from one place to another.

We exist to transport the broken and the pained.

We transport them to a better place, but we ourselves never really get anywhere.

We are left behind, we are forgotten. 

Possibly thanked in the short term, but forgotten no less.

We can always be found. 

When you need us we are there, waiting for your love.

Hoping for your love.

We feed off that hope, and will always be waiting for you. Waiting to be found again when others discard you. 

We will be there to pick you up.

We will get you to that next place, that better place.

If you need me, I can always be found. It is a thankless job and one that is completely deliberate yet always painful. I knowingly do this to myself. I knowingly become someones toy to have and hold until the newer model is found. 

I remain in the corner until the next time I am needed, always watching, perpetually smiling, waiting for that next moment. To be picked up and snuggled, to be hugged, to be loved. I wait. I wait until I am again wanted, until the comfort of my worn fabric is needed again. 

I am a constant. I am what some need to get to that next place in life. 

That next person who will fill the void I try so desperately to fill myself.

And as my smile wanes I wish, just once, that I would be that person.

That someone might choose me to fill their void.

That someone might be transported to me instead of away.

Instead of to that better thing, that I become that better thing.

That my void be filled.

Because I have so much to give.

So much to give.

So much to give.

But I place my faith in empty rooms, in empty hopes, in empty thoughts of comfort that will never be mine. I do this knowingly, deliberately, intentionally. 

Over and over I put my heart in others hands who do not have the will to hold it. They do not know what they have in their possession, or they do not care to see what I have really truly given. 

Myself.

My whole self.

My life and soul and whatever it is that makes me a human being.

And so I sit in the corner and wait for the next time I am needed. I wait for that next wonderful ride where I am given a chance to love. Where I am found again, so that I can transport that amazing person to their next destination and watch as their hopes flourish for a time and then fade.

Because I will run far, but that next person will not. That next person will not need you, not want you, not be there for you. But I will.

I can always be found. 

If you want me to stay.

I will stay by your side.

I can always be found.