I like to believe I can "handle" myself in a tense situation. Not that I have ever encountered a time when talking things over did not get the desired effect, I mean to say I have never been in a fight the devolved into fisticuffs. That being said, me and those of the arachnid species are not bros and never have been. Anything with that many extra legs and has the ability to suck your blood while staring you down with eight damn eyeballs is NOT NATURAL I dont care who your god is.
So call me surprised over the last week when I encounter not one or two rather large spiders, but four. Mind you I am not counting the small day to day lot either, those guys I can handle and I even let a quiet Daddy Long Legs chill in the corner cause we have struck a truce that does not involve my shoe ending his world.Im talking dollar bill sized terrors that Frodo flipping Baggins would be hard pressed to slay.
Tonight one of these monstrosities came creeping down my wall and made the mistake of being so big IT CAST ITS OWN SHADOW and completely drew my attention away from whatever it is I do when left to my own devices. This sucker was just strutting down my wall like it owned the damn place, practically saying "Hey hows it goin", and so I decided tonight was my night to make a stand. I would capture this things and make it my bitch, to show all the other giant spiders who owns this basement. I marched over with a menacingly sized stick and my improvised spider prison made from an empty Popsicle box with authority and swatted the monster in. Initially I freaked out and looked around because I thought my stick of doom had missed its mark, freeing the beast to exact its revenge upon me, its potential warden. But no, after further inspection I realized I had bested my prey and it would torment me no longer.
I was rather proud of myself after overcoming my phobia so I took it upstairs to show off my prize. It was then that Miss Roomies Ex informed me this particular breed of ugly was a Wolf Spider. Whats that? A WOLF SPIDER!? That sounds terrifyingly accurate, its like the people who name these things know that instead of naming these creatures they should be devoting their lives to the genocide of the entire species, but they cannot because the lords of spiderdom would surely destroy the planet in rebellion. So I took this pawn of the spider kingdom to the porch, in its cardboard prison.
And I stomped the bitch back to hell where it came from.
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