I live my life to a seemingly endless internal soundtrack populated by every song I have ever loved. I have started to actually build this endless album on my MP3 player to varied results, but it is a work in progress as much as the rest of my life is, so like my life I am constantly editing and adjusting the order in which a track appears or does not.
What I have noticed while creating this playlist is that for nearly every song I choose there is an emotion or memory associated with it. What this means is that no matter how much I love a song, if it is associated with a memory of sadness or loss every time it plays I essentially relive those events. I seem to associate a song with everything that seems crucial in my life at that time, be it a simple moment of depression or rejection, they all seem to become engrained in my mind. Its like fast forwarding to your favorite part of a film just so you can revel in that moment, the music sets the mood of the scene and is just as important as the lines the actors speak.
So when I want to travel back to a specific moment or feeling I call up a song on my playlist and I am instantly there again, which is especially self destructive for some of my more depressing memories. The ones where I made the wrong decision or, worse still, lost something I actually had. I do not know if this is a common ability or if its just a weird memory association and I am not entirely convinced its a good thing, but its how my brain works so its here to stay.
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