WTF Wednesdays- High time we stop being low

Undulating emotions.
Highs and lows, but mostly lows.
Its a heady explosion of ego and despair.
Self importance, less indulgence.
I cannot justify, cannot explain.
It only gets better, but now this very second its really not.
Reality closes in for that solitary moment and I wonder.
All human beings are not lonely creatures, we long to be together.
So why can we be surrounded by faces and never really see any detail?

Somber Sundays- Forgetting My Lines

If life is all one big play which we never quite grasp the plot of, then I would receive terrible reviews for my constantly having to glance at the script. Maybe I need to stop trying to "wing it" and actually rehearse for a change, but running everything through a filter just seems artificial and canned to me. I like to believe that what I say and do will always be genuine if I just blurt it out without contemplating the consequences.

Or maybe being impulsive just means I'm always gonna do or say the wrong thing....

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Somber Sundays- Lets take a walk outside..

I can't put a lot of stock into other people these days, and that's ok. I've spent the majority of my "adult" life as half of a whole, never quite able to be myself and without ever really discovering who I am. Though it was a hard couple of years after the split with Miss Mamma it eventually leveled out and, much to my surprise, I began to like the guy I had become.

Now that I am finally comfortable with myself the first instinct was to find someone to share it with...though this task it seems is much more difficult and honestly not entirely necessary. Now that I no longer need validation having a "relationship" isn't that huge a priority. Having good friends is more than enough to satisfy me right now and, hey, if a wonderful person does happen to stumble into my corner of the universe and does not immediately bounce out than why not.

All I am saying is that being a whole person, and being happy with who the person is, can be enough.

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Testy Tuesdays-Where for art thou mind

Direction, we all need it whether we like to admit it or not. Where to go, oh where to go. The mind is a funny thing, you can tell it what it wants over and over, but eventually your own mind can betray you.

In the end your brain knows what you want...and what you need are two very different paths.

Since letting go of what I wanted or rather what I believed I wanted, and letting life provide and direct me itself, doors have begun to open. Life is not the chore I once thought it. I can smile. I can smile and truly mean it.

So plans fall through. Yeah. Plans fall through and...so what? The world never stops spinning, your mind never stops making new plans, lets just keep on going forward. I have had to decide how personal this blog gets recently. Not because I was having issues with it, hell its my life and I like to be an open book no matter the picture it might paint of me, but apparently Miss Mama does not feel the same way. I try not to fib anymore, not beyond the whole "Santa is real" issue anyways, so I give the honest truth when I write and speak. It never really occurred to me that most people do not practice this and would take issue with how I do. So I had to make a decision on whether to censor myself because of Miss Mama and her need for privacy and after mild deliberation I have decided not to.

I am not ashamed of my life, I am a human being who makes mistakes, I am a human being with real emotions, this is my outlet, this is MY STORY. Miss Mama edited me out of hers and that is fine, that is someone else's story. Good and bad, these are my words and my life.

I will not edit something out of my story just because the narrative flow is not all roses and sunshine. I know now that the climax to my story did not end two years ago, that the way the story ends is not with a whimper.

It will not be for a very long time, but I will do my damnedest to end this party with a BANG.

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself

Where is my mind

Somber Sundays- Fathers and Fallacy

Three steps forward, two steps back. That is how I feel my life progresses at times. Things change, an aspect I welcome now, but not all change can be taken in stride and I have trouble coping with some of it.

I am told that having a father around is better than none at all, that my being there for Bug and Bubbas is enough. Even if I am not fantastically wealthy, incredibly smart, or particularly good at anything at all. There are moments where I truly believe this, but those moments are made fewer and fewer with Miss Mammas new attitude.

I know that I should not pay any mind to what she says, that doing my best is all I should worry about, but when you give someone so much power for years of your life it is quite hard to reclaim that power. She really did make me believe we were friends, and would remain friends for the rest of our days. That we could raise the children together, enjoying their lives side by side, even if we could not enjoy each others lives the way we used to.

I was able to accept the moving on aspect of things given enough time. To be fair I had no real choice in the matter, once someone has decided to let you go there really is nothing you can do, but I was content with having a wonderful friendship.

This, of course, was just another misleading fallacy that Miss Mamma dangled in front of me. Yet another means to whatever end she has cooked up with little regard for anyone else. I should be used to this kind of thing by now, and in a way I am. The sudden change in how she acts is surprising, yes, but I find myself less shocked and more expecting. When it occurs I just shrug and say "Well that just happened" because honestly I know deep down that this person really does not care, but I always hold out hope that it could change.

So I continue on, offering my support for when it is eventually needed, which is just a matter of time. 
But seriously I doubt how much the kids need this man around who their mother calls useless, broke, selfish, ignorant. Can having a father who loves you with all his heart and wants nothing more than to be present in your life, but according to their mother contributes little else, really be all that helpful?

I wish I knew the answer.

WTF Wednesdays- At others expense

I would consider myself a very nice person, sometimes to a fault considering how some people walk all over me. Though this is how I would like to be all the time I also admit that I can sometimes be an ass to people and not really notice. I spend much of my time by myself so much of my more undesirable commentary generally goes unnoticed but occassionally I am actually around people when a joke goes particularly bad. Even more rare is that I have someone near that might call me on my shit....which happend just yesturday on a beautiful hike through the boulder woods.

There were three of us hiking together and having a wonderful time doing very stereotypically Boulder activities when an older gentleman came jogging from behind us. The man, who had to be pushing 65 years of age, was very polite and said excuse me as he passed so of course I proceeded to make fun of the way he was running in a cartoony motion. No normally this behaivor would go unchecked and I would go on being a smug jerk, but not today. As I turned with a big self appreciating smile on my face I realized my hiking partners did not share the same glee I got out of unjustly poking fun at a complete stranger. I mentioned how humorous my joke must have been, to which one friend looked me dead in the eyes and replied "Actually I thought it was quite rude".

I was quite shocked, not because of what was said, but because I knew instantly that I was in fact being incredibly rude. I became suddenly embaressed and was at a complete loss for words, I wanted to apologize but to whom should I do it? To the gentleman who was the butt of my joke or to my friends who had to witness it?

Even though the jogger could not hear or see my off color joke, he was still a person and no person deserves to be treated that way, I know this better than some, yet I still find myself doing it to others. It was a very refreshing experience to be around someone who is so honest and straight forward that they will tell you how it is without hesitation, I appreciated it.

I quote George Carlin from "Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure" when he says "Be Excellent to eachother".

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Thankful Thursdays- Simply LOST

Keeping it simple this week. For a few years I enjoyed television bliss...and then it was over. So I thank you Mr.JJ Abrams for your epic adventure that was both intelligent and full of heart. Though many I talk to just "Did not get it" I always felt you did not have to understand the entire thing to fall in love with these characters.

WTF Wednesdays

I live my life to a seemingly endless internal soundtrack populated by every song I have ever loved. I have started to actually build this endless album on my MP3 player to varied results, but it is a work in progress as much as the rest of my life is, so like my life I am constantly editing and adjusting the order in which a track appears or does not.

What I have noticed while creating this playlist is that for nearly every song I choose there is an emotion or memory associated with it. What this means is that no matter how much I love a song, if it is associated with a memory of sadness or loss every time it plays I essentially relive those events. I seem to associate a song with everything that seems crucial in my life at that time, be it a simple moment of depression or rejection, they all seem to become engrained in my mind. Its like fast forwarding to your favorite part of a film just so you can revel in that moment, the music sets the mood of the scene and is just as important as the lines the actors speak.

So when I want to travel back to a specific moment or feeling I call up a song on my playlist and I am instantly there again, which is especially self destructive for some of my more depressing memories. The ones where I made the wrong decision or, worse still, lost something I actually had. I do not know if this is a common ability or if its just a weird memory association and I am not entirely convinced its a good thing, but its how my brain works so its here to stay.

Testy Tuesdays

My first Dubstep concert DEC 2010

I feel like I need to actively make life more exciting for myself instead of just hanging out and waiting for it to happen. I am admittedly a bit of a homebody but I do try and get out on a weekly basis, though this can be hard while juggling work, the Bug and Bubbas, as well as school. I have been rather down as of late and this needs to change so perhaps I shall be more accepting to random events and invites. 

Somber Sundays- Or Blake Vs Arachnids

I like to believe I can "handle" myself in a tense situation. Not that I have ever encountered a time when talking things over did not get the desired effect, I mean to say I have never been in a fight the devolved into fisticuffs. That being said, me and those of the arachnid species are not bros and never have been. Anything with that many extra legs and has the ability to suck your blood while staring you down with eight damn eyeballs is NOT NATURAL I dont care who your god is.

So call me surprised over the last week when I encounter not one or two rather large spiders, but four. Mind you I am not counting the small day to day lot either, those guys I can handle and I even let a quiet Daddy Long Legs chill in the corner cause we have struck a truce that does not involve my shoe ending his world.Im talking dollar bill sized terrors that Frodo flipping Baggins would be hard pressed to slay.

Tonight one of these monstrosities came creeping down my wall and made the mistake of being so big IT CAST ITS OWN SHADOW and completely drew my attention away from whatever it is I do when left to my own devices. This sucker was just strutting down my wall like it owned the damn place, practically saying "Hey hows it goin", and so I decided tonight was my night to make a stand. I would capture this things and make it my bitch, to show all the other giant spiders who owns this basement. I marched over with a menacingly sized stick and my improvised spider prison made from an empty Popsicle box with authority and swatted the monster in. Initially I freaked out and looked around because I thought my stick of doom had missed its mark, freeing the beast to exact its revenge upon me, its potential warden. But no, after further inspection I realized I had bested my prey and it would torment me no longer.

I was rather proud of myself after overcoming my phobia so I took it upstairs to show off my prize. It was then that Miss Roomies Ex informed me this particular breed of ugly was a Wolf Spider. Whats that? A WOLF SPIDER!? That sounds terrifyingly accurate, its like the people who name these things know that instead of naming these creatures they should be devoting their lives to the genocide of the entire species, but they cannot because the lords of spiderdom would surely destroy the planet in rebellion. So I took this pawn of the spider kingdom to the porch, in its cardboard prison.

And I stomped the bitch back to hell where it came from.

Fiction Fridays- Descriptive essay

This is a descriptive essay I wrote for my English class, while not strictly fiction I figured why not post it here for all to see.....(Formatting has been removed)



Descriptive Essay Rough Draft

After continuously driving for 6 hours my legs began to ache like an overworked mule so I pulled over. Though it was early morning the sky was still black and the air brisk and cold so I pulled my favorite hoodie sweater over my head, its soft embrace my only real comfort on this thousand mile journey to a new home. Stepping out of my small four cylinder pickup truck onto the soft but crunchy gravel my legs slightly give out for a moment, as if recovering from years of atrophy and neglect despite only being immobile for a few hours. I reach to the heavens while stretching and cracking every muscle and bone I can put a name to, my body singing silent praise at my decision to break from the trip.

Gazing up in to the silent sky just beyond a row of towering pine trees I marvel at the brilliant stars while they blink and glimmer, unobstructed by the city lights I have known for so long. The points of light so infinite in number my eyes have trouble focusing on just one. Standing completely still in utter silence I feel as though I could become one of the many trees that surround me, massive sentries viewing the world from above. I began to sway in the gentle breeze that moves through these trees, feeling the cold air slightly sting my cheeks and making the blood rush to their aid for warmth. I pull the soft hood of my sweater up like a protective barrier and begin to walk forward with no real destination in mind. It seems like I have been standing in that same spot for ages and for a moment I wish I had not yet moved for in that spot was a perfect calmness I could not remember ever experiencing before.

Moving forward my body begins to warm itself again and the friction of my arms rubbing against my sweater is comforting and pleasant. Walking to the edge of a steep cliff face I notice the first signs of dawn peeking low on the horizon ahead and with it the waking of life in the woods below. I can now hear the faint echo of birds singing from some unknown distance and the slight din of a river below. Though it may have been there the whole time I can now hear the wind blowing through branches like whispers and secrets I shall never understand, I listen for a long time trying to pick out the individual trees creaks and cracks.

Looking to the east again the sun is finally showing its full glory to the world, not just peeking now but rolling over the mountain valley like a brilliant flame of oranges and yellows. Everything became bright and full of color at an exponential rate, some corners going from complete darkness to daylight in an instant. As the sun continued to rise into the sky the red flames began to dim and give way to shades of dark blue and below, in the valley, deep greens and browns. I could do nothing but stand and gaze upon this amazing sunrise in stunned silence and at one point I reminded myself to breathe. And so I took deep longing breathes into my lungs and held them, savoring the sweet pine scents that could only come from a place far from civilization, far from the contamination of city streets and fast food restaurants. The air was thin and clear at this altitude and an experience I will remember for the rest of my days on this earth.

Tearing myself away from the incredible sunrise unraveling before me I slowly begin the short walk back to my truck though it seems a lifetime since stepping out of it not much time has actually passed. I feel a slight sorrow at having to leave this scene behind for never again will any one moment ever be so pure and without worry as this one. I am travelling to a place completely alien to me and a fear of the unknown suddenly overcomes me again. I stop just as I reach the hood of the vehicle and close my eyes, attempting to recover some of the calm and contentment I had so quickly lost. I breathe the mountain air in deep once more, though it is now warming in the sunlight and no longer chilled by the nights touch. I find some solace in this because though everything must change it is always transformed from something familiar. This air feels different but it is the very same air I took deep into my body just moments before.

With slow deliberate motions I open the door and slide inside the cab, taking one last look at the valley that will forever be engrained into my mind. I turn the keys in the ignition and feel the engine rumble to life gently and shift into gear. Gently idling out of the rest area I continue on my journey relaxed and at ease, ready for another twelve hours on the road and with slightly more confidence that my decision to leave California is the right one.

Thankful Thursdays

Of all the things in the world I am enjoying at this moment there is one in particular that I do not give nearly enough credit and that is the state of Colorado. Yes I can and probably will mine this very broad subject for blog postings in the nearish future but for now I must say that Colorado as a whole is owed many a thank you from The Blake and today is that day.

Though moving here had been the plan a few years prior to it ever happening I had put it off over and over, after all thats a huge life change and it was not until my life essentially ended in California that I was able to start over here. Scary as that was I have almost no regrets of the location change and I wake every morning renewed with possibility and excitement. Even after nearly a year of living in Colorado I am constantly coming across new and amazing experiences with so much more to look forward to. I have only explored an incredibly small amount portion of Colorado so far and I am itching to get out there and see it all despite knowing that will take decades if not the rest of my lifetime. And though I still plan on visiting far off exotic locales I never forget that new experiences are right around the corner right where I am, all I have to do is be ready for them and keep my eyes open.

And the people of this great state! It is true that there have been some rude folks since moving here but I could say that about anywhere, but after meeting and making new friends and acquaintances whom I am genuinely intrigued and inspired by I am certain that there is no other place these people could exist. Traveling just minutes from Longmont, my now home town, I come to my new favorite city of Boulder. A place so filled with energy and creativity that just walking down the street gives me a new and wonderful experience. Random people strike up conversations and debates along Pearl, an act that might warrant harassment charges in California. The atmosphere is great I could think of no better place for me to raise Bug and Bubbas as the liberally open minded human beings I hope for them to become.

Though I have encountered sadness and maybe a smidge of loneliness since coming here I will never look back on the decision as anything less than a blessing. I needed a new life in a new place and what I got was an entirely new outlook on the universe and everything it contains. So on this day I say thank you Colorado, when I came here I was empty and with your help I am on a journey I no longer want to end.

WTF Wednesdays- The Evil Empire

I was hired onto my first job at the age of 16 and at the time thought said job should feel lucky to have me, and so I took advantage by calling in sick when I was not sick and generally not caring about my attendance. I have always been a good worker and given much more effort than many of my peers when there, but in those early days I thought a job was more a right than privilege.

I have since changed my tune which helps in these tough economic times where any job is better than no job at all, even when you must work for a massive corporation who enjoys destroying small business and eating small kittens. Im kidding about enjoying the destruction of small business of course, they feel terrible when that happens. I have become a responsible adult who understands that if I do not show up to do my job someone must still do that job, so it really bugs me when another grown person does not see how much their lack of effort and irresponsible ways harms everyone and not just themselves.

There are coworkers at my place of work that rarely show up and when they do it is merely to stand around and have a good time rather than work, which essentially means these people are absent more than they are actually at work and when they actually show up it is to get paid for doing nothing. So I am stuck doing their jobs whether they show up or not, yet because I am such an efficient worker hell rains down upon me from upper management if I happen to call in sick. So My lazy coworkers zombie their way through life without consequence while I do their job, my good work ethic not rewarded but instead punished because it is expected of me.

Why these people are not punished because nothing is expected of them while I am held to a higher standard and not benefiting from it at all is beyond me, and I humbly ask WTF IS UP WITH THAT?

Testy Tuesdays- Changing Formats!

I did mention this might happen, a slight change in format mainly due to my inability to stay focused and such.

So anyways I have decided to do away with tasty Tuesdays, it had a good run but the whole recipe thing started to run out of steam partly due to the sporadic nature of my eating habits and partly because I dont think many people care about my bizarre food. So instead I introduce "Testy Tuesdays", dedicated to whatever the frick I want. It will be my wild card day where anything can happen and gosh do I wish that was as exciting as I am making it out to be but lets face it folks, Blake's life isn't all that interesting....yet! Now for the updated schedule of awesome I got going on for this here interweb writing thingy:

Somber Sundays- My day to dig deep into my psyche and wonder why things are and basically be Emo

Minecraft Mondays- Me being visually creative, usually a comic or piece of art

Testy Tuesdays- The wild card, it could be anything! What will it be next week, I dont even know!?

WTF Wednesdays- Me pondering the fracked up things I come across in life

Thankful Thursdays- My day to be utterly positive and talk about what I am thankful for

Fiction Fridays- Short and ongoing stories I write and you(hopefully)read!

Synopsis Saturdays- I review or reflect on something cool or interesting

As always thanks for the traffic and I hope to entertain you at least a little with my random musings. More to come and I cant wait to get some feedback! Oh and dont forget to check out my links on the side as well as the other Blogs I follow.

If you have kids, enjoy a laugh!

Somber Sundays- That great blue yonder

And so I continue on this journey rather aimlessly, always on the look out for an opportunity but never quite able to hold onto the ones I find. I vaguely remember sharing my life with another and it being a wonderful thing, conversations were not constant but the feeling of being together made silence joyful rather than awkward.

I am constantly confused by Miss Mamma and her many contradicting signs and signals, and the rise and fall of my chances with Miss amazing was an eye opening lesson in how not to let hope get the best of me, and throughout all this I attempt to remain optimistic because you never know whats just around the bend of life.

People, places, objects, hopes, dreams, all are interchangeable and come just as fast as they appeared. I am finding it hard to let anyone in for fear that when I do they just disappear. Though this may sound bleak at the moment it is completely appropriate.

I have been told by a few women now that I am a completely wonderful guy, but I am told this while essentially being rejected which defeats the purpose of the message and makes me really wonder what exactly is so wrong with me? This might have to be the subject of another Somber Sunday because I am seriously done with feeling sorry for myself this week.

Williams OUT

Synopsis Saturdays- Pearl Street Awesomness!

I am busting out the Flux Capacitor and going back in time to write my Saturday Blog about something that happened on Sunday so this post is doubly exciting.

I live in a wonderfully dull town named Longmont in the great state of Colorado which some might point out as a negative thing, I however see it as a positive for two reasons. Firstly living in Longmont puts me in the same city as Bug and Bubbas, my two amazing kids whom I moved all the way to Colorado for in the first place. Secondly Longmont is geographically smack in the middle of everywhere else I might want to go in this state and particularly close to Boulder, a city I have completely fallen in love with since the big move. Now I tell you this not because I am going to review a location, no this is all merely a primer for the main event....YO YO's!

In Boulder there is a small but vibrant downtown district on Pearl Street which serves as the cities cultural hub, not unlike Time Square is to New York but with less Adult Film Theaters, and has also become a mecca for hundreds of street performers and sideshow enthusiasts who travel from all over the world just to do their acts. One such performer named John Higby caught my attention, and a bit of my ear, today on Pearl and I thought I would share a bit. His specialty is rather unusual and involves several elements but mainly focuses on a ridiculously skilled use of YO YO's. John also uses his audience a great deal and is one hell of a showman, always keeping the crowd involved and excited to see what his next trick will be. In fact every time he is about to perform a new feat of YO YO awesomeness he rings a bell, to which the audience is instructed early on to yell "YO" as loudly as possible.

At one point in the show he announced the need for one more volunteer, specifically a father, which I just happen to be one of. Though reluctant at first I was encouraged to volunteer by my Bug and Bubbas momma, and once I decided "what the heck, might as well" I jumped at the chance to be a part of this guys act. Initially me jumping up and down with my hand raised was apparently not enough to get Johns attention, so Miss Momma yelled out "pick this guy" in an uncomfortably loud volume which seemed to work. So I strolled up admittedly a smidge nervous to the YO YO masters inner circle and helped continue the show, first by holding a match which he promptly lit using only a single YO YO toss. I cant even lite a match using the strike on box so this was at least a little impressive by my standards. He then used his skill to knock a quarter off my ear without severely injuring me, something I had my doubts of him accomplishing. I was assured that if I was indeed injured I would receive "everything you see here", which after scanning a bit included a large collection of YO YO's, a silver hat with a propeller on it, and a unicycle. If I did lose an eye during this show I would totally make out like a bandit. Alas John was successful with only a minor graze of my ear so I did not get to fulfill my life long dream of owning a unicycle, I did however have a load of fun and get to look like an idiot in front of a hundred random Pearl street tourists!

 

This is exactly the bit I played, except sexier.

John Higby had a family as well and closed out the show using his wife, who also had a rather impressive holahoop talent, and small son in a grand finale involving "Three YO YO's, a unicycle, two holahoops, one wife, one baby, and the worlds first YO YO powered propeller hat!" which I tell you now did not disappoint. Turns out that Johns show travels all over the world and has been featured on shows like Americas Got Talent and The Late Show with David Letterman, you can even learn all sorts of cool info on this family by visiting their website YOYOSHOW which I encourage you to do. All in all I had a blast watching this amazing families show and I totally recommend checking out their act if you ever get a chance.

Fiction Fridays

Precipice of Stars

Standing on the edge of this cliff face, staring into the darkness below, I wonder if this is truly the journey I want to take. It seems a terrible cliche but when you look down into the nothingness of an abyss, finite as it may be during daylight, the darkness below really does seep into your core and lay all that you are or would have been like stars in the sky. How does one reach the bottom and then decide to go even further? And once you step off that precipice are you truly doing it to end your own suffering, or to make someone else suffer more? 

Do not be selfish, step back from that abyss, walk back into the light.

Its waiting for you.

Something always is.

Thankful Thursdays- Greatest invention EVER!

Netflix, I love it more than words can say. So much of my life is now spent just browsing its vast library of films and television shows that I scarcely remember a time without it. I have been a member of the service for nearly ten long years now and since the introduction of instant streaming to my computer and gaming console of choice I have never looked back.

So on this day I thank you, lords of all that is Netflix, for without you I might actually have to leave my home once in a while. Gosh what a tragedy that would be.....

WTF Wednesdays- The next generation

I ride a bike mostly by choice so I encounter certain situations that some of my vehicular inclined human beings might not on a daily basis. This usually boils down to weather issues but at least once a week I come across terrible human beings who make me wish there was a license to breed. Case in point I am riding down Main Street minding my own business when I rather nice Jeep Grand Cherokee appears next to me and rolls its rear passenger window down and out comes a tween aged blond girl. Now I ride with headphones in blasting at nearly full volume nearly 100% of my journey so I do not initially hear what the tween is screaming at me, just that it is apparently hilarious to her. So I pop my headphones out and catch the last few sentences which went a bit like this:

"Cant drive a car? You suck! Don't crash!"

Now I cannot attest to what other pearls of wisdom she spouted before the headphones came off but I imagine it was not much more intelligent than what followed. Now typically when this happens I ignore it and move on my marry way, writing off their behavior as the product of too many paint chips consumed or perhaps a glue sniffing hobby of some sort, but today was a little different and I was feeling feisty. You see the situation became interesting when said Jeep Grand Cherokee surged forward a few blocks and then parked in front of a Starbucks, and so I decided to confront the driver who was a middle aged gentleman that looked at least half way civilized.

After stopping behind the Jeep I asked what I assume was the father of this very rude tween if he realized what the girl had been shouting out the window, to which he replied "So the f**k what?". I was understandably taken aback by this and proceeded to tell the man this girl was harassing a pedestrian from his vehicle which WAS NOT A GOOD THING. After not getting any kind of apology I started to take down his license plate number, mostly as a bluff, to which he chuckled and continued on his way while saying good luck. What an asshat right? So this experience taught me two things, first that I should not have faith in the vast majority of people for they are rude, second that the future is screwed if this is how we are raising our children to act.

Tasty Tuesdays

We are gonna keep it simple today folks. For this meal all you need are two items from your everyday grocery store, Zatarains jambalaya rice mix and some decent Kielbasa Sausage. You can spice it up a tad with chile pepper or leave it be as I do, either way the meal is delicious and ready within 25 minutes. All the prep info is on the box so I will spare you those details and just provide the pics.

Slice and dice to taste.....

Grab your box o'goodness.....

Follow the directions.....

Enjoy the simple goodness!

Minecraft Mondays- Zombies

Still loving these Softer World strips, I think I will parody them some more! Zombie love makes my heart all a flutter, trying to turn this idea into something more...

Somber Sundays- Socially Antisocial

I have always been rather socially awkward and knowing this makes me very self conscious about how I act in front of people, specifically people I do not want to be awkward in front of. Eventually I get over my issues and just become myself, but generally its too late and I get written off as weird or worse....boring. Now I believe I am pretty darn interesting and sometimes my social issues can be written off as "quirky" or even "cute" to a ridiculously small percentage of the human race, but to the few people I decide to "let in" this is rarely the case. So why is it that I cant just let loose and be all the Blakely I can be right off the bat instead of whatever it is I am? Well honestly if I could answer that question I would not be typing this now would I? I have been to a few therapists in my life time, not consistently mind you, but I like to believe telling some douche with a degree issues I know exist would not help. Not that psychologists are unable to help people, just not myself personally. So I attempt to get through life on my own, adjusting my attitude and tweaking my neurosis as I go. Now if only this would help me with the aforementioned meeting, and subsequent keeping, of new people in my life.

Whatever though, Netflix will never judge me. Hmm, perhaps I have stumbled upon my next Thankful Thursday....

Synopsis Saturday- Griff is...awesome!

Much has been said about the recent explosion of "superhero" or "comic book" films so I am not going to attempt a detailed deconstruction of the genre as a whole, instead I will merely admit to being a fan and leave it at that. Now do I love every movie featuring a dude in tights fighting crime? No, after all a bad film is a bad film and though there are occasions when I can overlook the cheese and have fun I still have standards. So I enter the movie experience with a jaded expectation for it to be bad, and though I am sometimes rewarded with a great film I did not expect, often times my fears are confirmed and I want for my 90 minutes of life back. So after watching "Griff The Invisible" my feelings on the film were definitely refreshing...I loved it.

Griff The Invisible is an indy movie with but one recognizable face, Ryan Kwanten, or Jason Stackhouse from the HBO series True Blood. The film is much less in the vein of Superman than it is Special or more recently Kick Ass as much as I hate to compare anything to Kick Ass. It deals with what happens to real people when they decide that crime fighting is up to them and the mental instabilities that these urges stem from. Griff has no superpowers to speak of and his "equipment" seems rather high tech and expensive for a guy who works in an office cubicle, the twist being that since the film is from his perspective of course everything is going to look like its straight out of Batman. So once the outside world starts to seep into his fantasies there is much more duct tape and cardboard involved than Griff would like you to believe.

The film mostly deals with with Griff and his brothers new girlfriend, another socially awkward human being named Melody who, like Griff, is constantly forced into "normalcy" by her family. These two characters make up the heart of the story and you truly want things to work out when the inevitable problems arise. I wont spoil the later half of the film but it all becomes very much Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind by way of Super(Or if you really must....Kick Ass). Its a very sweet film with wonderful characters and its own way of showing you what it is like to not be "normal".

Then again, who is normal these days?

Fiction Fridays- Poetry

I close my eyes
and you are there
I open them
and you are gone


I close my eyes
and smell your sweet scent
I open them
and smell nothing


I close my eyes
and feel your smooth caress
I open them
and feel emptiness


I close my eyes
and you are there
I never open them again
and you never leave

Thankful Thursdays- Physicality of emotionality

I'm thankful on this day for many things. I am thankful for my overall health, I am thankful for a stable job, but most of all at this very moment I am thankful for my sanity.

Its a funny thing to be thankful of some might say but obviously those folks have never experienced a true mental "breakdown", the losing of ones self as they know it for reasons that are never quite clear, even after clarity is attained(or the illusion of it in any case). Though I definitely still encounter moments when I feel like things are not quite OK I have not questioned my mental health in a long time.

Not being sure of yourself is one of the true pains in life, no one ever wants to doubt themselves yet many walk through this world constantly unsure of the decisions and emotions they experience. It goes even deeper when you realize the physical manifestations of these doubt are so all inclusive that you can literally make yourself ill with negative feelings. This is something I have come to realize all too late and have only recently started to understand. A negative attitude begets a negative metabolism and vice versa, striking the balance between these too mechanisms in your body is key to a happy life.

So even though I have not always paid close enough attention to both aspects of my body, the emotional and physical aspects, its never too late to bring them both up to speed. I am physically happy with my body and I am trying my best to keep it healthy and in running order, and I am also emotionally stable in a way that I most likely have never been. I know what I want from life and who I want to be, even if there are some that might want to keep doubt in my mind due to their own insecurities and issues.

So here's to the future, may it be bright and shiny and full of fluffy pandas and may I never doubt my self worth again.

WTF Wednesdays- Anger and hypocrisy

So its time for me to really let loose on something, to get super angry at a particular aspect of my life. Small children and sensitive people should leave the room cause, yes, this shits about to get real.

I am divorced. No secret really, but generally I don't mention it in passing conversation cause then it brings up funny awkward questions like "so why did it happen?" and "so why did it happen?". The truth is everything was my fault and I went through a very self destructive time proving that I did not deserve happiness and such so talking about it over and over again is not my idea of a good time. Now this is where people get a little confused, me and my Ex are actually very good friends and do quite a bit together. We have made peace (more or less) with what has happened and attempted to move on.....or so I thought.

A few months ago I found out rather harshly that she was dating someone for quite some time but lied directly to my face about it for no reason at all other than she likes her privacy. That's cool I suppose, after all I am just a friend, but when things started to go bad with this dude and I was seriously concerned when her emotional state resembled a schizophrenic with Downs I think it might have been good to know what the hell was happening. For Bug and Bubbas if nothing else. So when confirmed by a mutual friend and then confronted of course she is going to flip out on me for not respecting her privacy, right? So yeah that was a blast!

Fast forward a few months and everything is fine and dandy. Mind you I have not dated for a long time, since the infamous fuck up, and have not really attempted to for fear of being an emotional basket case and the like. So I seriously did not expect someone amazing to show up in my life almost at random, it was not planned and I am still in shock. Now that's not really the issue, in fact its such a non issue that I wouldn't have said anything had it not been so integral to my subject. The issue is hypocrisy.

So I do my Ex the courtesy of telling her I got a date. Did I mention that this girl was so out of my league I was utterly flabbergasted she would bat an eye at me, no because I am sane and like my genitals exactly where they are. But I did tell her so she didn't find out in the same horrible manner that I had not too long ago. Everything is kosher right? Oh hells-to-the-no, this is where shit gets crazy with a capital WTF.

I am treated like the piece of shit she thinks I am, she cries about how I just dont understand and never will because of what I did two years ago, and then tells me I don't need to worry about taking care of the kids cause they obviously aren't my problem. Ummm excuse me? How does this have anything to do with my babies? In fact shouldn't she be grateful that I have been utterly ecstatic about life and all that good stuff since...you know...I met miss amazing? Apparently not. And how might me going on a date be any different than what she did other than the fact that I was honest and genuinely care about the person I am interested in?

Short answer, its fucking not!

So let me be happy and stop trying to unload your baggage on me, I have paid for my mistakes and then some. 

Tasty Tuesdays- Eggscuse the AWESOME!

Hands down one of my favorite meals ever is Eggs Benedict and has been ever since I was around age 6 or so. My mother would bring me to my favorite restaurant, Horatio's, for my birthday breakfast. One of the few things that was more or less consistent during those early years of my life and I am still thankful for the effort. Every time we came to this place I would order Crabs Benedict without fail. Eventually the birthday breakfasts became less and less until we no longer celebrated with my favorite tradition and I found a new way to enjoy my most beloved dish, and though I no longer put crab on top it is still a wonderful treat.
And so I present to you my variation on a classic meal, Eggs Benedict.

Starting with the hollandaise sauce. No I do not make my own, I leave that to a packet and but a few ingredients. Of course I use milk and do not add water to maintain to creamy goodness

Next I lightly cook shredded ham from the local deli until crisp around the edges but without losing the moisture in the meat.

 While all thats happening I poach the eggs in lightly salted boiling water. I try and make all the eggs at once so they are all evenly cooked when I serve and no one is forced to wait while others devour the meal. Notice that I poach the eggs without a gadget, cause Im not a pussy.

I then place the shredded ham on toasted english muffins and gently add the poached egg without it breaking. Tricky but not difficult. After that I generously distribute the hollandaise sauce and (though not pictured) add freshly ground pepper as a finishing touch. They charge like $10.00 for two of these at a truck stop restaurant and even more at a decent breakfast joint. I can feed the same meal to 6 hungry friends for the very same price. Go figure.

Minecraft Mondays

I have become mildly obsessed with the website A Softer World as of late. It features these short three panel haiku style comic strips, here is my attempt at it. Photo credits are mine but the format is directly cribbed from their works. Thanks to my 3 models Charlie, Lucy, and Veronica (in that order).